chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize