I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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