just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
