I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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