is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
