Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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