I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i believe in u and ur pee
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
