He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
