In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
