everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
