I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
