in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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