What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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