Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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