plz talk dirty to me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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