Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
