omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
