They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
