Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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