Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
where are you?
Hypothermia
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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