you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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