I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
