i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
then he tried to convert me to islam
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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