I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
