as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
