I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
