My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
