I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
