Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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