I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
im on a boat
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