I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
