she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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