Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
