please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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