dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
