we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
