I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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