is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
