The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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