She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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