So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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