the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
