did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
