it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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