Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
