I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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