After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I stole a fireplace last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
