hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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