Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
