how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you never un-have a 4some
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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