Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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