woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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