More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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