Will you blow on my dice?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
