My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
