I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
