it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
