Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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