as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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