he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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