Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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