beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
