Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
zippers are such a cool invention
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
