are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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