Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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