how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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