non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
